...and it didn't work.
I thought I would be a powerhouse coming out of college. Marriage, my first big-girl job, and a new city felt like the perfect formula to set me up for success. I thought it would make me happy.
But it doesn't. The depression and the self-doubt doesn't leave just because you do. It doesn't stop because everything else in life is going (and going well).
This has been a hard pill for me to swallow, especially since adult life is not what we made it out to be when were 16. Working a full-time job is way harder when it's to pay rent and the car note. Being a good friend takes effort when you're hundreds of miles away from everyone you love. Life lessons I thought I mastered in college I'm re-learning and re-learning.
I'm in the middle of my second manuscript and I'm still waiting to get a "yes" from the first one. I have no idea where I'm going to be in the next 5 years. And I'm struggling to be okay with all of this.
I felt led to come out of my not-writing-for-people-I-know slump because I see so many people I know struggling with this too. Recent grads, recent newlyweds, recent moms. We had to get here at some point, but I swear we had so much more time than this.
I've been telling myself that I don't have to have it all figured out. That I don't need to be where I want to be right now. That I'm doing my best and that my best is enough.
I don't believe it, and you might not either, but here's to adulthood and trying to believe that we will not always be who we are right now.